The Nature of Emotions

Welcome back. This module is all about emotions! We talk a lot about emotions, and for good reason - they pretty much dictate the tone of our lives! And our emotions are not only involved in how we feel, but in what we do. And if you’ve ever been told you’re “emotional,” well, good sign, it means you’re human. Emotions are powerful. They are fast, they are automatic, and they are intense. Importantly, they are independent of our intentions. You don’t decide to feel frustration or fear—it just hits. That’s because emotions are built to move us. (The word emotion even comes from the Latin movere, “to move.”) Emotions are your body’s built-in action signals: Fear tells us to move away. Desire tells us to move toward. Disgust says: close yourself off. Sadness says: slow down, withdraw. These signals were incredibly useful - yes, back in the riverbank of our evolutionary past. If you saw something scary, it was adaptive to run. If you smelled something rotten, it made sense to turn away, close yourself off. But today that same sense of threat or discomfort might get triggered by an unread email, or a sideways glance from someone you don’t even know. Your emotions are, of course, still responding as if you’re on the riverbank. But that’s not where we’re living. So that brings us to three important points 1) First, Your Riverbank Brain Isn’t Always Right Sometimes emotions are helpful. Feeling anxious before a big meeting might help you focus. Or feeling sad might be a signal to rest or reflect. But other times, it’s good to be skeptical. Yes, I know we often hear people say ‘trust your gut, listen to your feelings’ but I’m hear to say, no, actually don’t always do that. Our emotional reactions are not always optimal. You no doubt can think of many examples where you’ve seen this in others, and maybe in yourself as well. Your emotional brain isn’t optimized for modern life. It’s fast, reactive, and not always accurate. It’s not just the kind of emotion that can be off—it’s the intensity. Our brains are not great at keeping perspective once an emotion is triggered. A super silly example: I remember once feeling annoyed that there were no pickles in the fridge at lunch when I wanted some. What? Who cares? In the grand scheme of things, no pickles for lunch shouldn’t even be on my radar. But my Riverbank brain is not thinking about the grand scheme of things. My riverbank brain is just responding: blocked goal = frustration. Ok, so point #1, don’t always trust your emotions. 2) Second thing to remember: When Emotion and Reason Clash, Emotion Usually Wins This one’s important: When what you feel and what you know are in conflict—emotion tends to win. That’s by design. Emotional responses are faster, stronger, and deeply wired for survival. This is why we so often act against our better judgment in the heat of the moment. Unless we train ourselves to pause, reflect, and respond intentionally, our emotions will steer the ship. Most behavior change strategies are, at their core, ways of tipping the balance back toward reason—but it takes practice. Ok, so point #2, emotions are stronger than reason. Stay humble. 3) Third, You Can’t Control Emotions—But You Can Work With Them We often confuse emotional response with emotional control. We think, “I shouldn’t feel this way.” But emotions are involuntary. You don’t choose to feel sad, or impatient, or overwhelmed. They just arrive. Telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel this” is like standing in the sun and saying, “I shouldn’t feel hot.” You do feel hot. Now you get to decide what to do about it. Trying to fight emotion with logic usually just creates more tension. Shame, self-criticism, guilt. All layered on top of something you didn’t choose in the first place. So what’s a a better approach? Notice what you feel. Accept that you feel it. And then ask: What would a wise response look like here? You wouldn’t judge yourself for feeling hungry or tired. You’d respond. You wouldn’t shame yourself for having a headache. You’d take care of yourself. Emotional discomfort works the same way. You are not weak for feeling what you feel. You’re human.