Understanding Overwhelm

If you often feel like you’re juggling too many things, constantly spinning plates, or forgetting something important—you're not alone. And more importantly: you're not failing. You're just using a brain designed for a very different world - you know where I’m going here! In this module, we’re going to take a compassionate, science-backed look at why modern life feels like too much—and what you can start doing to feel more in control, without overhauling everything. Ok, yes, we’re going back to the Riverbank again - it is so helpful! As we’ve seen in earlier lessons—especially the one on attention—our ancestors had limited attention, but they didn’t need to track very much. Their focus was on day-to-day life and the occasional unexpected noise or storm on the horizon. Fast forward to today, and our brains are now tracking: Work deadlines, Family schedules, Health concerns, Global news, not to mention notifications, group chats, to-do lists, and so much more... Your brain is running on ancient software in a hyper-connected, overstimulated environment. No wonder it feels like too much. I want to look at two patterns that add to this sense of overload: The Negativity Bias and Mental Tab syndrome. First, the negativity bias: In a nutshell, this means that our brains pay more attention to the bad than the good. We notice potential threats more easily than we savor moments of safety. Again, this makes sense on the Riverbank. Let’s imagine two types of people: -    In one group, people were vigilant and cautious. At night particularly their vigilance is on high alert, they wake up at odd noises. In the day, they scan the skies for bad weather, notice when a child seems slightly ill, and are sensitive to potential discord in the group. -    In another scenario, people are more chill, they sleep soundly regardless of what’s going on around them, they are unconcerned by rustling sounds, food shortages, social dynamics, or potential storms. -    In the other group, people are more relaxed. They sleep soundly regardless of what’s going on around them, they are unconcerned by rustling sounds, food shortages, social dynamics, or potential storms -    You know where I’m going here - which group survived? For better or worse, it was the first. We are the descendants of the ones who were on alert.   This ancient vigilance means that today: •One tense email outweighs five kind ones •You fixate on what might go wrong •You notice what’s missing or off more than what’s working So don’t feel bad for noticing the one negative comment in a sea of positive ones—or for feeling overwhelmed even when life is objectively ‘fine.’ Your brain is doing what it evolved to do. But once you understand that, you can start designing around it.” The second point is related to cognitive load and what we can call Mental Tab Syndrome, a bit as if you had 17 tabs on your browser. Even when nothing catastrophic is happening, our brains can feel overloaded simply because of how many unresolved or uncertain things we’re trying to mentally juggle. Basically, Our brains have limited “mental holding space.” Imagine your mind as a desk: a few things on it, and you can manage. Too many, and it becomes a mess—paralysis sets in. So this is less about the severity of any one worry—it’s the accumulation that creates overload. So tying this into what we’ve seen so far, we’re wired to notice potential threats and to keep them in mind - both were adaptive. But in today’s world, our mental ‘alerts’ are going off for: A tense conversation from yesterday, Upcoming holidays, A work deadline, A kid’s weird cough, A reminder to schedule a dentist appointment, Global news… Plus, many of these are ongoing, vague, or not easily resolved. But your brain treats them all like open loops that need to be tracked. So all this Leads To A vague but persistent sense of unease: “I feel like I’m forgetting something’ and A low-grade hum of stress or what we might call cognitive clutter. These “things” exist in that fuzzy space between a task and a worry. They require attention, energy, or resolution—but they’re often not urgent enough to act on immediately, so they just stay in your mental inbox. They include anything from life logistics (fix the kitchen faucet, coordinate soccer schedules), work complexity (prep for a meeting, reply to that thread, think through strategy) and emotional uncertainty (Should I change jobs? How do I help my parents? Is my child okay?) Why this matters is that your brain doesn’t prioritize by importance. It just says, “Track this!” And once there are too many things to track, you go from “I can manage” to “mental fog.” So what do we do? Let’s talk about two tools that may be quite familiar, but are worth remembering because they are so effective! The first is the Circle of Control This classic concept—central to Stoic philosophy and echoed in the Serenity Prayer—is simple but powerful. Imagine a circle on a piece of paper. Inside are the things you can influence: Your actions, Your words, Your attention, Your effort. Outside the circle are the things you can’t control: Other people’s behavior, The past, The news, Global events… Most of us spend a lot of energy spinning our wheels outside the circle—worrying about things we can’t touch. This of course only creates exhaustion, but doesn’t go a long way to solving anything. When you focus on what is in your circle, you feel a sense of agency, and often, a surprising sense of relief. So the idea is that the next time you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask: “Is this inside or outside my circle of control?” and refocus your attention accordingly. The second tool is so simple, it’s almost easy to dismiss and this is: Write it Down! When your mind is juggling too many “open loops,” the fastest way to release the pressure is to write them all down. Don’t organize. Don’t rank. Just get it out. "Move to California," "Buy stamps," "Email Lisa," "Salt for dishwasher," "What are we doing this summer?" You can do it with pen and paper or a notes app—whatever feels easiest. And this doesn’t have to be a big project. If you set a timer for 10 minutes, you’ll be surprised at that may be all it takes to unload a ton of mental clutter. This is helpful for two reasons: First, when it’s on paper, your brain no longer has to track it. And because it’s there in black and white, you often realize: “Oh… it’s not actually that much.” This by the way, is not about productivity, it’s simply about giving your lovely mind a bit of breathing room! Ok, so to recap - we talked about two mental glitches that can make us feel more worried than we need to - negativity bias and the mental tab syndrome. And we talked about two tools that can be helfpul in restoring a sense of control: the circle of control and writing it down. We’ll reinforce this ideas in the coming days.