Attention = Experience

Welcome back. Ok, so you may remember the ‘happiness’ formula from earlier in the course: Happiness = Circumstances ÷ Expectations If your reality exceeds your expectations, you feel satisfied. If your expectations, if what you want exceeds what you have, you feel disappointed. This module is about the expecations part, and more specifically how our attention, and what you focus on, plays a central role in how you feel. William James, one of the founding figures of modern psychology, once said: “My experience is what I agree to attend to.” This quote holds the key to understanding so much about not just your emotional experience, but also your satisfaction, your stress levels, and your motivation. Let’s break it down: “My experience is what I attend to.” That means your reality—your sense of how life is going—isn’t just about what’s happening. It’s about what you notice. What’s in your field of awareness becomes what you feel. “...what I agree to attend to.” That’s the kicker. It suggests that attention isn’t totally automatic. We don’t control everything we notice, but we do have some say in where we place our focus, and even more control in what we allow into our field of awareness in the first place. What this all boils down to is this: Attention shapes emotion. Honestly, I’d say this is one of the most powerful ideas in the whole course: Your emotional state is driven not just by your circumstances, but by where your attention lands. That’s why two people in the same situation can feel totally different—because they’re focusing on different aspects of it. One sees the problem. One sees the opportunity. One sees what’s missing. One sees what’s working. One sees the glass half empty, one sees it half full. There’s a reason why that cliché exists - it’s true. And I’d go a step further: some people might be amazed there's even a glass at all, filled with clean, drinkable water. (But I digress…) Ok, so that explains the first part of the William James quote: “My experience is what I attend to.” Now, for the second part, about “...what I agree to attend to.” How much control do we really have over our attention? In many ways, our attention is automatically drawn to things without our conscious permission. Our brains evolved to notice certain characteristics—rapid movement, bright colors, possible threats—because those things were important for survival. So, given a particular landscape, our brains will naturally focus more on some things than others. But here’s the important part: while we may not fully control what draws our attention in a given moment, we do control the landscape. We can choose what we put in front of ourselves. And that matters—a lot. We now live in a world where attention is a commodity. Our instincts are being hijacked daily by glowing screens, endlessly intriguing content, and beautiful, or attention-grabbing, imagery. The problem though is that this is no longer just about survival cues—it’s about engagement algorithms That’s why designing your input—what you expose yourself to—is one of the most powerful things you can do. The biggest shifts don’t happen in the moment. They happen before the moment, when you choose what your mind is going to snack on. Let’s bring this back to the happiness formula: [Happiness = Circumstances ÷ Expectations] And here’s the thing: our expectations are super malleable. They shift easily, constantly—even without our awareness. And unless we take control over how they’re shaped, they’re likely to drift in ways that leave us feeling unsatisfied. This is where attention comes in. Our expectations are deeply influenced by what we focus on—by what we “agree to attend to.” And what we agree to attend to is key when we think about our social lives and social comparison. We like to say, “Don’t compare yourself to others,” or “Just be yourself,” but the truth is—we’re always comparing. Usually without realizing it. It happens every time you scroll social media, hear what someone else is doing, or even read a novel. These are micro-comparisons, and they kind of become your new baseline. They shape what you believe is normal, or possible, or expected. A quick personal example: I work from home. If I see someone else’s home office—maybe it’s cluttered or dark—my own space suddenly feels a smidge better. But if I see someone on a call with a stunning picture window and a view of the mountains or the ocean, well, my experience, my satisfaction deflated just a tad. And yet nothing has changed in my actual environment. Only my expectations have. This can feel disheartening at first—how easily we’re influenced. But it’s also empowering in a way. Because if our expectations can be shifted that easily, then we have a real opportunity to shape them with intention. We can: Notice what kinds of exposure tend to make us feel worse. Choose to feed our attention with what grounds us, energizes us, connects us. Design our environment to support a more nourishing internal baseline. Attention is so important. And it can be one of your most powerful tools for designing a life that feels aligned, satisfying, and emotionally grounded. This week, we’ll explore how to take that tool back.