The Power of Three

The Power of Three: Acceptance, Soothing Touch, and Language. This one focuses on three small, focussed techniques which you can call on as an accessible, practical way to work with increasing self-compassion. How to practise Focus on one or all of these, depending on the situation: 1. Let yourself off the hook. This taps into the idea that we are human and so is everyone else… Give yourself permission to be human once in a while as a way to show acceptance of your human flaws and remind yourself that you are only human. Even if just once a day, decide to let something go like you might do with someone you really like/love. 2. Soothing touch. If someone you care about is feeling hurt or stressed, you might put your arm around them, rub their back or hold their hand. This is a way of tapping into our ‘caregiving system’ to release oxytocin (a feel-good hormone). Whilst we can’t easily rub our own back, we can use soothing touch to calm our system; in particular, the following are shown to trigger an oxytocin release: - 15-minutes of self-massage. Focus on hands, arms, shoulders, head or feet. - As little as 30 seconds: Putting a hand over our heart is a technique from a school of thought called “self-directed neuroplasticity”, which sounds over-complicated given how simple this is. Do this for a minimum of 30 seconds with your eyes closed. Ideally, you would also recall a moment when you felt safe/loved/calm and lean-into that feeling. 3. Language is just as powerful when we use it internally with ourselves as it is when we speak to others. Try to use more forgiving language with yourself and even a warmer tone. To do this, think about what you at your kindest sounds like. Some suggest even using terms of endearment like “sweetheart” if it feels comfortable, but you’ll know where your comfort level is. There’s no need to do this out loud! Tips for practising and personalisation. - It can help to bring a bit of humour in… with the ‘small stuff’, what could you find to laugh at in your response?