Pro-Social Introduction

PRO-SOCIAL In the last theme, we focussed on practices that help us show ourselves more kindness. Now, for the next few days, we’re focussing outwards, on being pro-social, which basically means… BEING POSITIVE, KIND, AND HELPFUL TOWARDS OTHERS, IN ORDER TO HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THEM. Why are we focussing on this? Because whatever the motivation for being pro-social (whether it is empathy, living by our values, or a simple yearning to connect), being kind and helpful is not only good for others’ wellbeing, when we do so because we choose to, it also makes us feel good too, which means a double benefit. This is because we are social beings, wired to connect with others. FINDINGS FROM SOCIAL COGNITIVE NEUROSCIENTISTS AND SOCIAL RESEARCHERS ALIKE SUGGEST THAT THE BRAIN IS PERHAPS WIRED TO RESPOND TO OTHERS MORE THAN IT IS WIRED TO RESPOND TO ANYTHING ELSE. (Lieberman, 2015; Brown, 2012.) If this comes naturally to us and is no innate, why are we putting focus on it as a theme? ✅ Firstly, you may overlook your positive impact on others, so it’s worth taking some time to recognise your positive influence in this area as a way to support yourself - this will help with self-acceptance and self-compassion, as well as a sense of self-competence. Also, recognising that your efforts may make others feel good, will help you feel good as you positively empathise with those others' positive experience. ✅ The fact that we are social by nature makes this theme all the more accessible - when looking for ways to boost our happiness, it makes sense to work with our natural capacities and those things that we are wired to respond to in a positive and powerful way. It's easy to overlook what we apparently already know and look for the 'new and radical' but going to our inner knowing, simplifying, and revisiting the most positive aspects of our human natures, feels, well... intuitive, sensible and natural :) ✅ There can be a lot of unhelpful ‘emotional contagion’ around us in life (where others’ negative words/actions/emotions influence our own). This can happen in online spaces as much as physical spaces. However, it doesn’t take much to tip the balance in a more positive direction with a little attention and intention. ✅ It may sound odd but some of you may be over-using your empathy right now (empathy being when we experience others’ feelings as our own), which can leave you feeling drained. Making some shifts from empathy to compassion (acting kindly in response to someone else’s distress instead of fully feeling their distress), instead boosts wellbeing whilst being just as beneficial for those others you are trying to support. ✅ Positive Empathy is something you don’t hear much about, but it is a real thing! It’s about empathising with and sharing in others’ positive experiences. So, our focus in this theme is on some happiness-boosting practices that work with our social natures, that can help us feel more connected, without the pressure to self-sacrifice or simply show support due to pressure or expectation by others - the key is to be discerning about who and in what ways you want to support others and try and move away from that feeling that you should always put others first (no matter who they are or what they are demanding from you). There are of course roles we have committed to fill - being there for our children for instance, or for our parents. However, the key with this theme is discerning between what we feel happy to continue to do for others (our commitments, responsibilies etc.) and those additional ways we serve others that we do because of things like societal pressure or unfair pressure from those around us. You then have more capacity to lean into more pro-social ways of showing up for those you care about... led by love, not driven by fear or the need to be accepted. Obviously this one can be complicated so at it's simplest level, you can just use this theme to explore the ways you show up for and engage with others that can also 'support you' rather than 'drain you'. By doing so, you will get more boosts to your positive emotions, support your wellbeing and also positively influence others 😊 SCIENCE TELLS US 🟣 WE ARE HARDWIRED TO CONNECT. Social cognitive neuroscientists and social researchers alike claim that we are not only hardwired to connect with others, but our brain is perhaps wired to respond to others more than it is wired to respond to anything else. 🟢 MEANING: 82% of what we consider our greatest source of meaning in life is attributed to, or at least involves ‘important others’ in our lives. 🟡 PRO-SOCIAL RIPPLE EFFECT. Studies show that when we show kindness to someone, they will then show it to others, leading to a ripple-effect that could go on indefinitely. 🟠 GRATITUDE. Findings show that those who have gratitude shown to them are then more likely to be pro-social towards others. 🟣 TIME SATISFACTION. Findings show that voluntarily (the 'voluntary' part of this is important!) giving our time to others has a bigger positive impact on our satisfaction with our time, than gaining free time to use for ourselves. 🔵 PRO-SOCIAL SPENDING. Similarly, various studies have found that spending on others gives us a bigger happiness-hit than spending money on ourselves, activating the ‘reward centre’ in our brains, associated with ‘dopamine euphoria’. 🟢 FEELING OF VALUE to others helps reduce feelings of loneliness, giving people a sense of connection, purpose and belonging whilst enhancing self-esteem. The practices for this theme are quite varied to allow for not only the differences between you but also the differences in your circumstances so do skip over any that don’t feel appropriate. Feel free to PM me with any questions.