Being Your Inner Coach

How do you actually channel your inner coach? The obvious way would be to give you loads of coaching questions. But you know — you could have a whole sack full of coaching questions and it still wouldn’t quite land. There are so many questions we could ask, and it depends on the person in front of us. The best thing you can do is start with some key principles. If you were to work with a coach who was unkind, judgmental, who didn’t believe in you, who didn’t listen, who didn’t give you the time and space to go deep, who rushed you, dismissed your insights, was black-and-white in their thinking… Not only would that experience be unhelpful — it wouldn’t move the dial for you. Plain and simply, when we’re not in a relaxed, happy place, we don’t have access to our psychological resources. When we’re happy, calm, supported — when we’re met with kindness, compassion, non-judgment — we can come up with insights and answers we didn’t know we had. So think about who you want to pick as your inner coach. Do you want someone who berates you and tells you off? Or someone who is kind, compassionate, non-judgmental, gives you the time and space to go within, and values all insights — even the ones that feel initially messy or uncomfortable? All insights have rich information. And your inner coach should encourage you to be more dynamic in your thinking. That is the best way to channel your inner coach — being self-compassionate. Listen to yourself. One of the biggest shifts in the dial for me is identifying less with my thoughts and more with my feelings — challenging my perspective sometimes. So, taking all the information as rich and useful, being kinder to myself about what comes up… People love questions to work with. I’m not going to read them all, but I will say: pick one. Pick one to work with today. I love this quote from A More Beautiful Question: “We are all hungry for better answers, aren’t we? We want more. But first we need to learn to ask the right questions.” That line gives me goosebumps. So pick a question to reflect on. You can access them all if you’re in the Aura app — they’ll be available. But what speaks to you most today? These are not the sort of questions people ask casually over coffee. They go deeper. And I love when someone hears a question and has to pause before answering, because it means they’re actually reflecting. It can feel effortful to answer some of these — but this is where the important insights are. Some of them tell you a bit about your 12 pillars. “What would my older, wiser self recommend right now?” For me, earlier this year after losing Dad, it was meaningful relationships and time in nature. I pushed certain things away, and yes, there was heaviness, but it was clarifying. I leaned into meaningful relationships and time in nature. The key thing I want you to keep in mind as you leave is: What is working for me right now that I can keep in place and build on? I don’t want you leaving thinking, “Oh my God, I’ve got 10 pillars to attend to.” No these are opportunities to work with over the next year or so. What’s already working? What are you overlooking? Keep that. Okay. Now I want to give you the next bit specific to change. Even at the best times in life, it’s helpful to know these pillars and support our wellbeing. But when we’re navigating change, it becomes even more important.