Emotions Are Social

Ok, so we’ve talked about how deeply other people influence our emotions, how our emotional experience so strongly overlaps with our social experience. That’s what I want to explore a bit more here with two pretty easy, straightforward questions. First, think of a moment from the past few days when you felt really good. Maybe you were energized, joyful, connected, proud—anything that felt positive and emotionally alive. Now think of a moment from the past few days that was difficult. Frustrating, or discouraging, or lonely, or stressful… Pause this to make sure you have two moments in mind before moving on. Ok, now ask yourself, for the first moment: Was there another person involved, either directly or indirectly? This means was there another person present, or indirectly involved, like you were remembering something, or reading a message, or imagining someone. Ok, and now for the second moment, same question: Was there another person involved—directly or indirectly? I’ve asked these questions to many groups of people over the years and the responses are remarkably consistent - about 90% of people raise their hands to both questions, most of the time, for most people, other people are involved in our most intense emotional experiences. This isn’t that surprising on some level, but think about it: our highest highs and our lowest lows generally involve other people. This nugget of information is huge! Take it with you, let it settle, notice it more and more, and you can start to work with it, rather than let it work against you. Tomorrow, we’ll explore how even small, forgettable social moments can have an outsized influence.