Self-Compassion introduction

Compassion is the ability we all have to show empathy, love, and concern to those experiencing difficulties. Self-compassion is all about extending that same compassion back towards ourselves. Self-compassion is… “That warm-hearted attitude of mindfulness when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.” (Dr. Germer) Self-compassion supports resilience, and helps us to cope, it reduces stress responses, increases self-motivation, and enables us to shift negative emotions with greater ease. As such, it positively influences our wellbeing in a number of ways. It’s also worth considering that “Our mind believes everything we tell it.” Marissa Peer With that in-mind, wherever you sit on the ‘self-compassion scale’ (an ‘assessment for measuring self-compassion), this is a good area to focus on for a few days, to increase your self-awareness around the messages you feed your mind, about yourself. This will be a particularly worthwhile focus for you if, like many of us (to varying degrees), you can tend to do any of the following: give yourself a hard time, focus on your weaknesses over your strengths, ruminate, set your bar high and leave no room for error, especially when experiencing tougher times. I know that for many who consider themselves to be hard on themselves, it's common that you will then berate yourself about the fact that you tend to be hard on yourself! It's OK... it's normal and the good news is that self-compassion is something that can be practised and cultivated. In response to any resistance that may be popping up in you right now, increasing your self-compassion… o Is not self-indulgent or selfish. o Does not mean you will start behaving out of line with your values. o Is not going to hinder how you perform (but will likely improve it). o Does not require you to be Buddhist; you just have to be a human who recognises the influence that self-talk has on happiness and wellbeing. The key qualities of self-compassion: Perhaps the biggest researcher in this field, Kristen Neff, describes self-compassion as “a useful emotional regulation strategy, in which painful or distressing feelings are not avoided but are instead held in awareness with kindness, understanding, and a sense of shared humanity.” Neff describes three core aspects of self-compassion: - Self-kindness is about being kind and understanding towards ourselves when we are hurting or fail at something. Instead of being self-critical when we already feel pain, we treat ourselves with patience and warmth instead. This is about being unconditional in how we see our worth. - Shared humanity: When we’re hurting or feel challenged, we can feel cut off and separate, presuming others to be leading “normal” happy lives. Shared humanity is not about reprimanding ourselves because others may have similar/worse experiences but instead appreciating that others also feel the same at times and that we are all imperfect. This can help us feel less isolated. - Mindfulness in this sense refers to acknowledging and labelling our thoughts as opposed to over-identifying with our negative feelings. It involves being aware of our own hurtful thoughts and emotions, without enhancing them (through ruminating on them for example). The aim is not to ignore painful emotions but to work towards not getting swept away by those emotions. Science tells us… Studies show that self-compassion enables better coping and supports resilience in dealing with life stressors, lowering physiological stress responses. Self-compassion has also been found to improve self-motivation. Wider studies show that it positively influences general wellbeing in a number of ways, touching on wellbeing theories around competence, self-esteem, and achievement through to optimism. New approaches: With this theme, we’re trying to adopt new approaches rather achieve instant lifts in positive emotions. However, working on self-compassion will help reduce and shift negative emotions and over time, really strengthen the foundations of your wellbeing. As an example, ‘savouring’ is something we can use for a real-time happiness-lift, when we notice and lean into even the smallest potential positive experience. In comparison, self-compassion is something we work on cultivating in ourselves so that when challenging situations hit, we can cope better. Approaches to increasing self-compassion range from long-term programs like the eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion Program (Neff & Germer, 2013), to smaller exercises which help bring about temporary states of self-compassion. Given that we’re in a ‘bite-sized happiness practices’ challenge, I’ve focussed on some lighter exercises. Whatever you pick, just see these four days as a chance to become a bit more mindful around your self-talk whilst thinking about the difference that self-compassion could make to your happiness and wellbeing. Self-compassion practices to choose from: 1. Treat Yourself as a Friend 2. Self-Compassion Letter 3. Self-Compassion Break 4. The Power of Three 5. Curiosity vs. Criticism Even if you don’t pick a practice from this theme, as the core aspect of self-compassion is about treating yourself kindly, even if you fail at something or make a mistake. This might involve: • Taking time off to give yourself an emotional break. • Engaging in mental acts of kindness such as positive self-talk. • Giving yourself an encouraging word. • Practicing forgiveness.